...And They're Not Even Black.

I've been meaning to write more but I've been fairly busy partying like a somewhat unknown, reasonably self-deprecating indie rockstar lately. I'm currently spread pterodactyl recovering from one massive evening that's consequently rendered me as chill as a pregnant hamster. But while my liver's been growing a rather intimate relationship with PBR and my thumb is completely callousing over from sparking up Parly lights, I know I've gotten behind on my job as a semi-professional amateur blogging apprentice.

I've gotten enough emails about what music reviews I need to cover to fill out the next several hours of my day. I type sort of slow too, so that's saying something. But because I am a gracious mammalshark, I'm going to fulfill some of your wildest dreams by answering some of your questions, but I'm not going to give any of the satisfaction of seeing your names credited (let's remember who this is about).

I'll answer all your questions at once through the illustrious brilliance of the forthcoming run-on sentence: "yes", "no", "not all that often", "only if there's a third party involved and they've brought A LOT of ketchup", and finally, "I'll do it for twenty but I want recovery time in between rounds two and three".

Now listen, if you're like me and all up on factoids and statistics (a phrase I try to slip into my day at least once), you know that the majority of all music released in the world is from movie soundtracks. No one's going to forget when blockbuster hit, Titanic wowed the world in creating a new artist for all of our mothers to love. In the same vein, New Moon thrust the unknown Thom Yorke into the spotlight. Before that, he was probably just playing dive bars and recording music on GarageBand or something.
But with The Black Keys, they seem to be working backward.

This blues duo is releasing music that makes you feel like you're actually IN a movie. It's a bluesy sort of sound that will make you feel like you're caught somewhere between Pulp Fiction and Black Snake Moan sans Samuel L. Jackson.
Now maybe at this point, you may find yourself thinking, "hey, this all sounds pretty cool. I like blues and I definitely like feeling like I'm in a movie".

Wrong.

This is never a good idea. When was the last time you saw a movie and you found yourself wishing you were in it? That's because movies tell stories and there's one thing in common with all movies in the world: the main character is in some seriously deep and regrettable shit.

Riddle me this, Batman.
John Conner in Terminator: Wanted dead.
Maximus in Gladiator: Gets dead.
Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense: Dead the whole bitchin' time.

But maybe you find yourself thinking to yourself (out loud), "well that's not very fair. I like blues. It's got a great chill vibe and is some good gettin'-freaky listening."

Well, you can suck it.

Go read a blues blog and stay the hell off of my internet property.