You Took A Real Shat(atat)

Suck it, Ratatat.

Yeah, I saw your video. The one with the bird.
I mean, I totally got it. Most people would be all WTF but I was all INIGI ("oh, now I get it" [make this happen on the interwebs, people. I'm feeling like it's the next SISOTC {"sorry I shit on the constitution"}]). But that's not why I'm all up in paws.

I'll excuse the fact that you're named after a Pokemon. Normally, I don't. I've got a major chip on my shoulder about new stuff pissing on my youth. I'm looking at you, Speed Racer and G.I. Joe (Michael Bay, stay the hell away from my childhood).

No, Ratatat, what gets me most fired up is your total lack of appreciation for you own jams. If you were smart, you would have stayed away from musical collaborations. I don't know if you listened to the final cut of "Pursuit of Happiness", but that track was just flat out "dope" (90's slang flashback, thank me later). It proved just what your music COULD become with the right vocalist and a viciously hip-hop backbone. Now, I listen to LP4 and I'm all "where the eff is my CuDi!?" Instead, all I get is 45 minute long bridge that refuses to satiate my hunger for greatness.

You're like a really funky elevator ride that tosses me out of the cabin a floor too soon.
It's what I call musical masturbation and I don't care what creepy ass Keith Richards says, it's totally uncool.

I'll admit that you're slightly reminiscent of Minotaur Shock with a hallucinogen addiction; take that as a compliment. You've got all the makings of a great record but, the truth is, time didn't turn out to be your friend (similar to its relationship with Kirstie Alley). If that Kid CuDi single hadn't come out before this album, you'd probably be reading some moderately satisfied, unabashedly coy review from a scenester too pretentious to ever admit an album has succumbed to his overall expectations, but instead here you are in the wake of a hit, tossing out a real pill of a record.

If "Pursuit of Happiness" was Weekend at Bernie's, you're the godforsaken Weekend at Bernie's II.
You're the Staying Alive to Saturday Night Fever; the Batman & Robin to Burton's Batman.

I hope you're getting the picture.

There's only so many ways I can spell this out for you, but I guess I'll let you take a page out of your own book.
If you want to speak through wondrous art of animals on film, take a look at this shit and read my lips: